Ready, Willing, and Able to Forgive with NDT
Dr. Artour Rakhimov asks Lynn Himmelman about being ready, willing and able to forgive.
Such situations can happen when a person wants to:
- forgive and let go
- forgive someone who hurt you in the past intentionally
- forgive someone who broke your heart
- forgive someone who isn't sorry
- forgive someone who keeps hurting you
- to forgive yourself,
then you can forgive and forget.
Dr. Artour Rakhimov describes how the last layer of denial in the New Decision Therapy (NDT) relates to the ability of the person to change, to accept new decisions and new ideas. This probably means that even before starting this technique we need to ask the body, not the person, to complete the process. It is known from many other techniques and students who went through years of psycho counseling that all that the psychologist was able to achieve was to uncover the event and relive the emotion without knowing how to deal with the emotions, events, and decisions that are uncovered.
The New Decision Therapy, in contrast, has a way of dealing with the emotions and bringing them to resolution and conclusion very rapidly. Lynn Himmelman concurs and discusses how the denial was a safety mechanism. If a client comes and asks for help but at a deeper psychic level they are not ready for the speed of healing that the New Decision Therapy is going to give them, then the practitioner would have a very difficult time getting them out of denial. In that particular situation, the responsibility of the practitioner is to offer them some alternatives to help prepare them to be ready to go through the healing process.
Actually, it is fairly rare to have a person come to therapy who is not ready. A situation where this might be the case would be if the person has been sent by someone else who insists that they really need this. It requires the willingness and cooperation of the person to go through the process. If they are only coming to please or make someone else happy and it is not something they have chosen then it is difficult to get that person out of a state of denial to even take him or her through the process.
So, a part of the interview process is to ask, "Why are you coming to me and what is it that you want to take care of?" If the person replies, for example, "Well my sister says I really need this", you would need to inquire, "Do you agree with your sister? Do you feel it would be something that would be helpful?" If the answer is "no", then the client is visiting merely because his (or her) sister won't stop pressuring him to come. And the sister is the one who is paying for the therapy, not the actual client. At this point, it is becoming obvious that there is a question as to whether the person is actually there of their own volition and if not maybe they are not ready to start the therapy. It is quite likely that before the completion of the assessment that the client's body would indicate that he or she doesn't actually want to be there.
One of the great things about the process is that there is a safety valve built into it and that is the assessment of the three layers of denial to determine a client's readiness for the accelerated healing that is going to be received. Just to elaborate a bit more, I believe that there is a time and a place for all the different forms of healing that are available to us in terms of our choices.
The New Decision Therapy could be jokingly called "Jet Plane Therapy", but there many different ways of traveling. In the analogy with physical travel, you could use a bike or a bus, a car or a plane and we can use them all. We haven't thrown out cars simply because planes could get us there faster, we can use them all and they all have their right time and place. So if a person is really, really ready and they just want to get from point A to point B they don't need all the scenery and all the detail in between and they just want to get to the destination, the New Decision Therapy is really great for that because it works so fast. Maybe you want to just get from Toronto to Vancouver but maybe later you might want to explore the scenery in a car so one mode of transport or timescale for healing doesn't obliterate another in terms of the choices of therapy that we are going to use to enhance our personal journey of healing and transformation.
When a person has become emotionally traumatized, this causes stress and increased ventilation rates (overbreathing). Hyperventilation leads to many mental and psychological disorders including panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and addictions. The main part of this website explains how to retrain one's breath back to the medical norm.
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